bad mood

today i am in a really bad mood
like i want to squish

really soft little things

not in a sexy good way but
kind of in a badass way

like
"screw you soft nice little things"
"you never did nothing but make me miserable"

but then

i can't

because

they are just

too cute

assholes

sometimes i think the world is full of assholes

and that that

is really funny

people who do dumb shit like

o i dont know

stealing cars
lying to their friends
rippin off money
from their mothers' purses

funny because their triumphs are often so
fumbling and pathetic

and then sometimes

i think

the world really is full of
a bunch of dumb assholes

and it makes me
angrier

i want

i want the long cool hands of time
to move more slowly over
my body i want

to be showered with love at all times
i want your calm goodness and humor
washing over me at every occasion i want

a small studio of my own inside
an even smaller
garden i want

to invite a man for tea and call him
my husband i want
to be debt free i want

flourishing and flourishes and nourishment
at every turn i want

to be able to sleep at night i want
more serenity and travelling and hope popsicles
flying everywhere i want

caskets made out of bags
of
stone cold sugar

and i want your heart in my mouth
always

pulsing

pink jello

sometimes you just want to live
inside a block of pink jello or

sleep on one
at the very least

i kind of wonder
what it would be like to make
an entire city out of jello or maybe

a roller-rink
softer

i miss the days when
running into you was
akin to dessert

and everything melting all over
with only so much time to eat it

i miss the soft ruin that would come from
pressing ourselves together

and the colors
left on the plate

afterward

all that juicy debris
and cream

a good wife

i want to be a good wife, to keep
my slippers clean

the bed sated, the
cupboards full

i want to be a good wife, the
funny kind that makes you split
your pants when you are laughing

i want to be a good wife and listen
to all the atrocities and mundanities
with equal measure i want

to be a good wife and
adorn my husband with garlands of love
and feasts of pheasant

even when it is raining
and we have no money

i want to be a good wife
and tend to the little things
while he is away

sifting through the promises of grandeur

i want to be a good wife
and slide all the nuances of pain and disappointment
underneath the rug

i want to be a good wife
clad in fashionable skirts

and well-kept

juggling a hot sheet of cookies
and a martini as

he walks in the door

finally away

no more

40

i have this pact
with my friend johnny

that if neither of us
is hitched by 40

we are going to make babies

which is fucking funny
not because this sounds like an episode
from one of those really shitty sitcoms
but because

he is so devastatingly beautiful
that all our babies
would come out looking

like this sculpture

i know a girl

i know a girl
with a little curl

right in the middle of her
forehead

alright
no curl

but a world of petals
folding inward

to her gorgeous
soul

rose